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break me

[ website | [The founder's LJ] ]
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[27 Dec 2005|11:33am]


break free... add them to your mix tape.
imbed the stars in me

[14 Jul 2004|05:41pm]

hey i am new here....if anything you ppl can read my journal.
1 scar| imbed the stars in me

[23 May 2004|03:11pm]

i just joined. woo go me. i still wish i was dead.
1 scar| imbed the stars in me

[17 May 2004|01:43am]

If you let me have my way... i SWEAR ill tear you apart.Collapse )
imbed the stars in me

More Writing and My Story [01 Apr 2004|09:59am]

Read more...Collapse )
1 scar| imbed the stars in me

Lift of the Blade [01 Apr 2004|09:37am]

I know cutters, all shapes and sizes,
Goth, Christian, heads shaved,
with an inward fight,
scoff at me, spit, throw me out the door,
But you can call me puncher who just more than once felt in that screw,

When it all breaks loose,
Inwardly inplosion or explosion,
veins rippling out, with a scream unhearable,
punching at the walls, knuckles bleeding,
longing to scream, but only able to satisfy with equal blaring intensity,

music raced,
quicken the pace,
blistering speed to the almost final crash.

Not an option.

You'll get locked up.

Screaming my head off and telling the truth won't lead to understanding,
but noise violation charges or expensive hotel psychiatric.

Force the needle down on me.
Dull my senses,
until I enter into your sweet, luxurious, desensitization that leaves me screaming for more.

I say,
There must a way out,

to lose myself in my own music,
to scream with the beat and dancing feet,
so intense, hiding underground hardcore that they can't put me away and they call it

imbed the stars in me

[09 Mar 2004|07:25pm]

[ mood | curious ]

im from NJ and a gentlemen in a nice pair of "girly jeans" is one of the biggest turn ons for me, amongst some other things.... so hey, if you guys are daring and wanna give me a hit back my sn is - i bleed love xxx - dont be shy! here is just some info on me

height - 4'11"
weight - 100lbs
hair - short and brown and black - im changing it... and growing it
eyes - they change -hazel, brown, green, and gold
...jeeze just im me - i have pics!

latta kids!

Jenna X Core!

imbed the stars in me

un true un false un fuckin believeable - is this my attention? [02 Mar 2004|01:27am]

i cant breath
i cant
my chest rises and falls but there is nothing
my body rejects it
it discriminates
it chooses
my mind tells me to
but my fragmented heart is to afraid
do i even exist anymore?
i cant see myself....
i dont need that - but i want it
my body is detoxing
it craves poison
i hate that - i am weak and i hate it
i dont want to be like this
and i know you cant understand - i know u understand that you can't

it is that time
when i feel it
when i miss this
i can't stand missing you
but i have to - i have to know how to
but i can't i dont know where to run
i want to run
and run
until my body decays -
until my these muscles tense and release
for the last time
until my eye close, my mouth bleeds, and you see this
know it is not your fault
no it is mine for being so weak - this is so vain
don't touch that - stop it,
i should have never showed you
i should hav never let those reluctant words leave my mouth
maybe if i didnt i wouldnt be here, i am not here

Untie me NOW!
let me go....
you did what you had to
you have created this
and now you think it is ok to abort me
unchain me NOW!
I cant let this be what i am
you made this.
you made it
you made it
you made this

now what? well - - -
what have you left me, and empty heart and
a filling eye - they arent tears
no not yet - they fill with rage
and pain.

I cant breath on you
i cant let this break me
into two
i cant breath i want it to stop
i cant breath dont hurt me again please
dont dont dont - i cant deal
i thought i could carry this baggage
thought mine was light enough
guess you just weighed me down - again again again
it ends - here.
imbed the stars in me

[05 Feb 2004|03:23pm]

x-posted like whoa.

Hi! I just joined. I've always wanted to have a journal just for my poetry and prose, and now that we don't have codes anymore I started one. I'd love to make some friends and get opinions on my work. Feel free to add me, and I'll add you back.
imbed the stars in me

im sick & tired of feeling this way, sick & tired of being alone..... [31 Dec 2002|01:11pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

thats it im going on a diet....i just dont feel comfprtable in my own skin any more.....i feel shitty.....oh one of the guys who thinks im beautiful smiles every time he sees me.....its a lil weird....im lonely...i want someone to be with me...oh well....that sux major ass...i feel depressed, numb and empty.... reasons for me to want to cut....but no...i cant...too many ppl will be disappointed in me...and im sick of make ppl mad at me...im already mad at myself for being this way.....i dont need others to feel the same.....o look im whinning about my stupid life again...surprise surprise....my monthly bitch fest..and its always the same..."im fat, im ugly, im depressed, bla bla bla bla"......whats the point im always gonna hate myself i should just get used to it and move on right???...right...who cares if i hate the way i look, the way i feel, the way i hate every single thing about me?? no one thats right....no one.....just me....who cares if nobody gives a shit about me and that practacly no one has seen me @ on of my low points and could do something about it??? i mean who really gives a shit if i live or die??? no one....cause no one cept for a handful has seen the "real me".....no one has really seen all there is to see..i put up this wall that ppl have to struggle to get through and even when u think uve seen the other side u havent..its just more lies to make u think uve really seen it all...i dont know if i be willing to let any one in all the way....i dont think i can trust enough to do that....im too afraid to get hurt..im too afraid that when theyve seen it all they will look away w/ shame in their eyes or just be so let down by what they see cause they made me out to be something special and worthy of their love and attention....they will relize that im not special....they will see that im nothing more than shit....to be honest i dont even know who the real me is.....maybe ive been to afraid to look into myself and find that out....maybe i dont trust myself enough to find out who i am.....maybe im afraid that if i do ill look away w/ shame in my eyes....perhaps thats y i have the lies and the walls hiding me.....maybe its not just to save me from the thoughts of others....maybe its to save me from the thoughts of myself.....i dont want to know whats behind it all....i dont want to know who i am....what if i hate that person more than the on ive created....ive lied so many times and did so many things to myself that i dont know who i am...and that sux....its worse than all the other shit i feel...im nothing but a loser....what if i look inside and i find out that im boring and average?...what if im someone who i cant stand to be w/?......i cant just lock it up and go back pretending....once the flood gates are open its over and the lies are dead and the can never come back

1 scar| imbed the stars in me

FUCK ME HARD!!!! [31 Oct 2002|09:55am]
[ mood | melancholy ]

im screwed royally.......on monday ill find out if i get to come back to nd or not.......well actually if i do get the boot they will put that i decided to be dismessed insted of saying i was expeled.....they say its not cause of the days i missed but the work...i tried to make the work up, but there is only so much work u can do in one night....if i get expeled i have to go to a public school....that means i wont be @ prom ....what am i gonna do??? im not good w/ new ppl in new schools....and im not very good w/ making new friends....its too hard for me to trust ppl to make new ones.....im gonna be alone for the next 2 years.....i know that i put all this on myself......y did i have to be so stupid????? y did i have to get so sick for so long???? im so stupid...im crying over something i did to myself......this is all my fucking fault.......i hate this.....now ill be even more alone than i thought i was....ill have no friends at a new school......i hate myself for this.....i really do....but its all my fault....anyways.....i wont be there manana because the devil woman (mrs nemergut) said i shouldnt bother coming cause its a 1/2 day....the worst part of this is that i wont even know until monday if im out or not...i have to wait w/ all this stress and anxiety for 3 days......what if i do something stupid to myself....what if i fail???? do u really think i can handle having no one to talk to @ a new school???? i dont.....im totally and compleatly fucked....anyways im prolly boring w/ the whining......

imbed the stars in me

Codes [25 Oct 2002|04:02pm]

I doubt many will see this,but can anyone spare a code? thanks.
imbed the stars in me

I thought I would go for a wwalk. [18 Sep 2002|10:25pm]

Hello, new journal, new communities, hoping to gain some friends and readers, someone I can show my poetry with.

imbed the stars in me

im broken [23 Jul 2002|02:03am]

i want to hurt and i dont know why
imbed the stars in me

[22 Jul 2002|03:03pm]

Anybody have any alternatives to Russian Roulette?

This is not an attempt on my part to look...cool or what not,also not an attempt at humour.I figure you people if any would seem to know the death scene or...something... Well I've lost myself so if you have any ideas for me,please
feel free to share.
1 scar| imbed the stars in me

[20 Jul 2002|01:38pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

i still havent seen matt..i miss him...um...ive been really depressed lately..i dont really know y.....i just hate this fucking feeling..i dont want to be me no more...its just not fun....i feel like everybody is against me..and that no one really gives 2 shits about me and what happenes to me..w/ my fucking luck im right....everybody hates me...and if they love me i really dont understand it....i really dont deserve any of it...i deserve to be alone....im a bad fucking person....i lie to everyone about how i really feel...im shit....im nothing

2 scars| imbed the stars in me

[14 Jul 2002|09:43pm]

[ mood | blank ]

I am such a nerd.

Whats the best movie quote/line ever said...?

2 scars| imbed the stars in me

she's home... [13 Jul 2002|06:48pm]

and she'ws testing my sanity...if i dont hurt her first i'm next in line for my wrath
imbed the stars in me

[04 Jul 2002|11:57pm]

She's very,very...very sad they'll say.We saw it coming all along,she was a time bomb.Tick.Tick.Tick.We had to be gentle
with her.One wrong move...Tick.Tick.Boom!And she was gone. Replaced by a dark,explicit sadness,with no real mind.Words,
random,tumbling out of her mouth.A quick movement would send her into a violent outburst.

Self mutilation.Dark appearances.Awkward silence.She had done it all.Hid the cuts,which were visible through even the thickest fabrics.We all knew they were there.Hid her face behind messy dark hair.We all saw the misery in her eyes.She was our Misery.

Every violent thought we had.Every depressed moment.Every unholy act we considered.She was a mass of our misery.Her anthem: a long list of fuck you's to all that she hated,all that had left her or deceived her,an endless chant.

She was our fragile Misery girl....

That's what they'll say...
imbed the stars in me

[02 Jul 2002|02:17pm]

[ mood | nervous ]

I'm new here.Actually pretty new to the whole LJ thing.

I'm looking for people to relate to.And hey!What do you know...a bunch of cutters.Although most of you probably have better or more emotionally painful reasons to cut,I think this is a place with plenty of people who are some what like me.

Yes I cut.People call me Bette.I'm 13.I just need some interesting people to talk to.

5 scars| imbed the stars in me

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