thefatherschild (thefatherschild) wrote in justkillus,

More Writing and My Story

They say,
It's just another Manic-Monday.
Do they know the story of the contention inside this brain,
feeding me demands to be happy.

Treating me with respect when I am well and in control,
and letting it all loose when I let me guard down.

Call me immature,
But I have a disorder,
God help me,
But don't you care.

Can't you understand after living here so long,
But I can't expect as my own imperfections seep through the carpet.
And I realize that you are caught up,
In your own little world as I am.

That sinister evil from the pit wishes to thrash us and bash us,
give me a little grace not the mace.

I politely request,
and then I leave you,

Because I must find those who will prayer with me,
a neutral party,
and I must go to the Father on my own study His Word.

Don't give me one or the other or I fall plunder,
calamity unleashed,
with no one to help me,
and then I'm turned loose to my self-desecration.

God I know You provide,
Continue to place people in my life and the lives of those around this room
to keep us strong,
and help us understand how to live beyond the pain in victory.

Thank you all for listening.
Peace out,

P.S. Hook me up with feedback about whether I'm an acceptable poster here. I am 25 and have been to court, jail, a mental hospital for three weeks. I take Depakote, Respirdal, and Ritalin. I am diagnosed Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Manic-Depressive. And I'm trusting in the Lord to keep me sane and my determination to serve Him today, tommorrow, forever despite the conditions I've been given. Right now, on my current track I'll be flunking all my classes-- even though I'm just three classes away from getting a BA in Elementary Education from MSU. I do go through the intense depression as I did yesterday and I have to make a decision whether act out negatively or productively. Writing truly helps. Although I'm a Christian, thoughts of death have come to me, but I'm learning to give it all up to Him and "Rejoice in the Lord always."
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